i dont know how many nights im waiting..this heart feel so lonely and miss someone so much!!
i cant do anything, only wondering and praying..let sadness fill my day and my night..
hour by hour waiting and wondering..day by day my heart tore little by little..
i wont give up..but i cant do anything only starring in the skies and pray to god that day like this will be end soon..this heart want to scream, want to cry..feel tired to beat..
god please show your way, give us the light so she can find her way to get back to us..
i dont want lose anyone in my life..i cant do anything just hoping you can help..
i just can praying to you and waiting of the answer that i expect to happen..
this heart really hurt and tore..
i let my love end when my life disjointed..but i dont want lose the feeling how to be loved..be loving!!
i dont want miss anything..
enough for crying and hurting my self..
i want u show ur love and give your hand to help..give her the light and show her to way to come back to us..
this heart really lonely, waiting and waiting..and keep wondering what happen without knowing the truth..please give us your miracle..
let the miracle happen god..
i beg u..i beg u for something that really can happen..
please do your miracle..
i hate see her suffer everything, let me suffer the pain..
dont let her cry, dont let her feel afraid..
ease the pain and ease the fearness god..
and bring her back to us..bring her back to me, her family, her friends..
bring her home..i will make her happy, i promise!!!

when i arrive in beijing i just have a lot of fun but now i just relise that my arrival in beijing not on the way that i want to accomplish..i go to wangfujing, fuzhuang, lotus supermarket, yong'an li silk market, shidan, zhong guan cun..and i just go to my good friend room to bother her when she want get study (how bad i am). i never relise that i should study harder and practice speak, writing or reading..now i just feel it, my lesson in the class already hard to get and it out of my hand..

1 month ago when my friend did her homework i just laugh and said "buat apa lu kerjain pr???" but now i really need to do my homework and make my self sick of those character..i hate writing though, so don't be shock my writing so bad, and when i go to RBT(real brewed tea) my mom called and she said "do not just having fun everyday and go out, becareful if you fail your study in there, practice a lot to speak..do not make your parent lost their face" then i suddenly just relize i have to much fun in here and never think about study..i want back to the line!!

so i already move my butt go into my desk every time i back from school, and study doing all my homework and practicing also remembering those character (now i see all the character are same). when i'm in the class, when my teacher give me back my homework he always said "bu cuo, hen hao" but when i have dictation and he saw my paper he feel confuse coz suddenly i forget all the character (coz it already full in my head) and he always said "yinni tong xue xie hanzi, fuxi kewen, ji shengci, yinni tongxue de shengzi haishi hanzi bu hao, hanguo tongxue de hanzi hen hao..ni men lianxi lianxi, xuexi hanyu..hanguo tong xue hen nuli"
so i cant said anything coz it like i've been tore by big knife in my heart coz im not study hard and im so lazy, and i want to prove that im not of one of the indonesian people that cant study well, almost all of my indonesian friends in the class so lazy!!man i need to go away from them..

i need to move out my butt from that laziness and stupidity!!damn i have 15 lessons but now it like i need to revise it everyday, everynight, every time, and i just put my face into serious stuff!!but i think i give bad impact to my good friend, now she being stress too -_-! actually she so smart and she can speak Chinese fluently (ask my parent if u not believe it) and i always stick to her and she become my mouth (but i knew everybody will be tired if they do samething over and over for everytime so i need to move out and try speak by my self) i dont have confident when i want to speak chinese like everything will be wrong!!!and i will lose my face when i get wrong!!my bad i have that kind of thinking so it hard to make me change become making mistake for good, im kind of person who learn from mistake that i made and everybody made, but for making mistake coz i want to learn??nope i dont want do it, coz i know it will be wrong and i dont want doing a mistake that i know it wrong..it hard to be me though!!and that person is me!

i want to study harder and make my parent and my family proud of me, my friends and my cousins not close their eyes when i walking in front of them..i dont want become nobodies coz i want to become somebodies in my life!!exactly in their life too!!but im so happy at least i can ask about the price of a bowl and spoon and i just said "aiyo hen gui le..gei wo pianyi ma??" and i see my one of my friend face so funny coz it is the first time i open my mouth in front of her in chinese language!!!

i just pray that i can study well in here and success for my study!!!jiayo....